September 5, 2011
My New Asshole

My new asshole’s official candy
is cola-flavored, fish-shaped.
I sexually harass it.
It puckers with distaste.

My new asshole could be your friend,
if you had any friends. My new asshole
is making a name for itself.
It is a way of looking at the world.

It tilts at megabucks.
It tithes its chocolate tenth.
It moons over my hammy.
It sings a song of sapience.

Now it wants a puppy.
It wants to open a Red Lobster.
Where did it get that strawberry?
My new asshole has discovered boys.

My new asshole says so much.
My new asshole is being bullied.
It occurs to me I am my new asshole.
I am talking about myself again.

About the Author

Michael Robbins is the author of Alien vs. Predator, forthcoming from Penguin. His poems have appeared in The New Yorker, Poetry, Harper's, and several other journals. His book and music reviews appear frequently in the London Review of Books, Poetry, the Village Voice, and elsewhere. He is currently Visiting Assistant Professor of Poetry at the University of Southern Mississippi.

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